Almost and Nearly

I don’t want to jinx anything, but if all goes according to plan, we will be adopting a dog in the next several days! I’m just a little excited. We went to Fleet Farm (where, in a stroke of luck, they had wire crates on sale) and then to Petsmart to stock up on food, bedding, and treats. Not that I’m endorsing any particular store, but they just happened to be on the way home.

Here’s the rundown of the weekend:

On Saturday afternoon, we met two dogs who were being fostered together, and would be adopted as a pair. They were a little tired from riding in the car all day and from playing with another family, but the male dog still had a ton of energy. He and Tim played several games of fetch with a squeaky ball toy. At one point, he briefly lost interest in the toy and went to the other side of the room. That is when Tim discovered that the dog left some gas behind. He didn’t say anything until the dogs left, though.

The female dog was more mellow, although she followed the male dog whenever he went into another room. I offered them treats, and she laid down on the kitchen floor in front of the counter, occasionally looking over at us to send subliminal messages: “So, how about giving me some more of that? It’s only been five minutes. Come on, you know you want to. It would be fun for everyone involved.”

There was another family interested in them, but because we had applied first and expressed interest in them first, we had dibs, so we said we’d let them know as soon as we made a decision. We liked them, but had some concerns over the male dog’s separation anxiety. Many Boxers have it to various degrees because they want to be around their people, but he got really worked up, leaving a puddle of drool in his crate because he was panting so hard. And leaving him out of the crate would have been difficult, because he liked to mark things. We hadn’t made up our minds yet, but we were glad to have options.

On Saturday evening, we drove out to visit a female dog we had met previously. She was actually the first dog we’d met from rescue. Her foster family lived across town, but rather than having them make the trip to see us again, I proposed visiting them. Plus, we got to see her in a more comfortable environment. She’d been living there for a few months and she’d bonded with the resident dogs (cats, not so much… they must have looked like fun furry toys to her).

The two resident dogs were hilarious. They had been trained to ring a bell by the door when they wanted to go outside. The male dog would ring the bell with a front paw, then plop himself on the stairs near the front door (sitting with his butt on the step and his back paws dangling off the step, like a person), and then he’d look over his shoulder at his people. I’m not doing it justice, but just thinking about it makes me laugh.

I’m really glad we made that visit, because that nudged us toward adopting her. But we had one more dog to meet, so we were keeping open minds.
On Sunday, we met a young female dog. She was petite and had a very sweet face. She hadn’t been spayed yet, so she was wearing a diaper because she was in heat. She sniffed the entire house as well as every inch of our yard. Because she was still fairly young, there were several people interested in her already. We liked her, and if we hadn’t already bonded to the other dog, we probably would have pursued it further. But we didn’t.

In summary:

Door #1: The male/female pair

Door #2: The larger female (who could probably pass for a pony)

Door #3: The petite female

We chose door #2. We’re hoping to take her home with us on Friday. Links and pictures are forthcoming, as soon as I know it’s real.

Weekend of Puppies, the Sequel

We’re hoping to have things sorted out this weekend. But I’ve said that before.

On Saturday, we’re meeting a pair of dogs (male and female) that need to be adopted together. They would be a handful, but they’d also be able to entertain each other (in theory…). On Sunday, we’re meeting a solo female dog, and we’re also trying to schedule a repeat visit with a solo female dog we’d met before. They’re all sweet and wonderful in their own ways. We just need to determine the best match for us and the dogs. Plus, there are other people interested, so instead of viewing it as a negative thing, I’m calmly telling myself that if the foster families choose someone else, we’re meant for a different dog.

I’m looking forward to having dogs in the house again, but dreading the silence when they leave. But I’m hoping it won’t be quiet for long.

In the meantime, I’ll be singing this to myself until I can sing it to New Dog(s).

Once Around the Weekend

Warning: Neuroses ahead. Proceed with caution.

A friend of ours came to visit last weekend, which we dubbed The Weekend of Dave. He flew in from D.C. and we showed him around the Twin Cities. It was a great experience to see our town from a tourist’s perspective. And it was really nice to have a break from thinking about the dog situation, because I’ve been putting so much time and energy into it. That’s partially why I haven’t been blogging much lately. I’ve been an anxious ball of nerves, and I’ve been trying not to think about it, yet it’s never far from my mind. It’s been overwhelming, and I find it hard to discuss it coherently.

It’s been hitting us hardest when we’re tired. We had a fun but exhausting weekend, and when I got an e-mail Monday night that another family was interested in the dogs that we’re looking at, I lost it.

And I feel guilty, because those people are in the same situation we are—they lost their longtime companion and are trying to fill that void in their home, and they’ve been dealing with it for longer than we have. My god, I can’t imagine being dogless for five months, even though it already seems like years.

I am not a patient person, and that has become extremely obvious lately. We’ve only been seriously looking for four weeks, but it feels like forever. What if we spend several weeks pursuing a dog, only to be told that another family is a better fit? What if other suitable dogs slip away during the time we were focusing on other dogs? What if we keep meeting dogs that are almost right, but there’s one nagging factor that makes us uncomfortable?

Welcome to the inside of my brain!  

I’m afraid of getting an older dog because we might have to go through the whole grieving process again in five years, and that’s too soon. I’m also afraid of getting a dog with a medical condition that’s either expensive or untreatable, because we just went through that too. If we were to get an active or neurotic dog, I worry that I’d have to entertain the dog every waking moment, which is a lot of pressure. I think I’m putting this pressure on myself unnecessarily, and the dog will settle into our routines and just want to be around us. And I don’t want to sound like we never want to interact with the dog, because we want to take it for long walks and play frisbee and play fetch, activities we haven’t been able to do for a long time. I’m really looking forward to that.

See what I mean about the neuroses? And there’s more!

Do I need to start looking at other organizations, even though I really want to support a particular one, because they’ve been so helpful and kind? There are dogs available through other places, but I feel somewhat guilty contacting them, especially when I’ve expressed interest in six different dogs through one group already.

I should have given up guilt for Lent. Also, anxiety.

Okay, deep breath. I’m going to remember that moment in Rossi’s where I told myself everything was going to be all right, and I believed it.

Torn

“Nothing’s right, I’m torn”
– Torn, Natalie Imbruglia

“And the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost”
– Dreams, Fleetwood Mac

We met two more Boxers today.

One was on his way to meet a potential adopter, and was just along for the ride with the one we were looking at. It was fun to see two Boxers in our house, because that’s our plan for the future.

The first dog was a giant white male dog, and he was quite a mellow fellow. The second dog was a small brindle dog with a lot of energy. She was with us for a few hours, and only sat still for about five minutes before they came to pick her up. We played countless games of fetch both inside and outside, and we took her for a short walk around the neighborhood. She was absolutely adorable, but I think it would be too dramatic of a change for us, going from no energy to a dog who is active 23 out of the 24 hours in a day. I don’t think we’re the best family for her, even though it makes me ache.

She followed us everywhere, and was particularly fascinated by the kitchen, where the treats were, of course. I’d forgotten how comforting it was to have a canine shadow, curious about your every move.

It’s been more emotional than I thought it would be. I’ve had tears weave a path through three layers of Boxer kisses. But it will get better. It’s just going to take time.

These things I know:

• I really want a dog.

• I really want a Boxer.

• Even though we could have had a dog this weekend, we need to wait for the right one to be fair to the dog, and to be fair to ourselves.  The worst thing would be to bring a dog home, only to return her. So we wait. But it’s for the best. She’s out there somewhere, making her way toward us as I type. I have to believe that.

Is You Is or Is You Ain’t my Baby?

We just met an adorable female Boxer. She’s about a year old, and full of energy and kisses. I received several tongue facials courtesy of the dog. I smell like dog breath, but I love it.

Her foster parents brought her over, and it was really interesting to see how she acted in our house. She was very curious, sniffing her way through every room on the first floor. She tilted her head when the furnace came on or shut off.

It was extremely therapeutic for both of us to hear the sounds that have been missing for the last seven weeks: paws on the wooden floor, drinks from a water dish, flops, barks, whimpers, pants.

She explored the back yard, and it’s comforting to look outside and see dog prints mixed in with the rabbit prints.

It took her no time at all to find the treat counter. I fed her some BilJac liver treats, and she kept returning to the spot in the kitchen where I got them to beg for more.

She won’t be ready for adoption for a few weeks. She still needs to get spayed and she’s finishing up some other medical treatments. There’s another couple interested in her, too. They’re adopting a dog from another rescue tomorrow, so it depends if she gets along with their new dog. I’m trying to be zen about it, telling myself that if they’re the right fit, another dog will find us. But I really like her a lot.

The visit counts as our home visit, so we won’t need a separate approval if we apply to adopt this dog or another dog.

We also had a home visit from another rescue this afternoon. We were mildly disappointed that she didn’t bring her dogs with her, even though we wouldn’t be able to adopt them. We were just looking forward to some extra Boxer love. They usually bring dogs along to see how potential adopters interact with them. Because we had previously owned a Boxer, we got a free pass.

We were approved by the second rescue, so we can apply to adopt the dogs they have available. This rescue is in another state, so we would either need to drive to the dog’s foster home or meet them halfway. They seem to be really good at matching dogs to owners, although we wouldn’t know how the dog would act in our home until we brought her there. We would, however, have a good idea of how much she enjoyed car rides.

The woman from the second rescue had met the couple interested in the first dog, and gave them a glowing review. It was reassuring to know from another source that they could give her a good home (even though both rescues screen their applicants to ensure a good match).

I’ve also been e-mailing with someone from the first rescue about yet another dog, who is a female about three years old. We initially set up time to meet on Friday, and I was wondering how I could make it that long. She just called, and we’re meeting the dog tomorrow. I’m really excited. If you could take a picture of my brain waves, it would look something like this:

Puppies! PUPPIES! Puppies! PUPPIES! PUPPIES! PUPPIES! Puppies! Puppies! Puppies! PUPPIES!

Cleaning House

I’m cleaning the house so dogs (and people) can come over. The absurdity of this does not escape me.

It’s amazing how much dog hair is still in the carpet. We’ve vacuumed at least three times since January, and it’s still there.

I was a little sad  yesterday that the Abby smell had faded from a couple of her blankets. Not to worry– just fire up the vacuum, and she’s there in full force. It’s a mixed blessing, though. It’s good to have the reminder, but it’s not exactly the most pleasant smell in the world. It’s very concentrated and strong, and smells vaguely like she just threw up. We put a scented oil diffuser out to mask the scent so our new visitors won’t mind as much.

Sweeping the kitchen is weird. I used to check for stray drops of dog drool so I wouldn’t drag the dusty broom through them, leaving icky gray/brown streaks on the linoleum. I don’t have to do that right now, but I hope to soon.

I went to a pet store yesterday for the first time since January. I used to go almost weekly, and I miss that part of my routine. I bought some BilJac liver treats, some bacon treats, and a steak-flavored rope toy. The dog’s foster mom said that BilJac were her favorite, so I thought it would be nice to have some of them on hand. And everything’s better with bacon. My love for meat is well documented.

I’m not ready to share Abby’s toys right away, so I got the new toy. I’ll be ready to share them with New Dog, but I want to know who she is first. I’m hopeful that we’re meeting her today, but the practical side of me (the part that’s still healing) is cautious.

It’s going to be really fun to have a Boxer in the house again, even if it’s only for a few hours.

It’s Raining Dogs

We arrived to an empty house, and no trip to the puppy hotel would fill it. It felt like there was a huge hole in our routine again.

I took my time unpacking. Before, I would unpack as quickly as possible, hiding the suitcases away so they wouldn’t upset her, lest she think we were abandoning her again. My suitcase is still lying in the middle of the floor of the spare room. I thought that maybe if I didn’t unpack, my vacation wouldn’t have to end. We failed to hit a life-changing jackpot in Vegas, so it’s back to work we go.

At first I was crabby, then apathetic. But now hopeful.

We’ve applied to three rescue organizations. We have a home visit scheduled with one this weekend. A few hours later, someone from another organization is bringing a dog over for us to meet and potentially adopt. I’m not sure if that counts as the home visit, or if the two organizations work together, or if we’ll need a separate visit later.

I’m cautiously optimistic. Other families are interested. She might reject us. As eager as we are to have a dog in the house again, she might not be the right one. But I’m excited to meet her. Just in case.

Either way, it will be fun to be around dogs and hear familiar sounds– claws on the wooden floors, drinking water, panting, sniffing, whimpering, barking. I watched a video on YouTube several times just to hear a dog drink water (although the puppies are adorable too).

I keep telling myself it will all work out, and I have to be patient (again, not my strong suit). Every step we take is leading us to New Dog, somehow.

New Dog won’t fill the void completely. It’s unfair to expect that. It will be different, but it will be good.

Yet I still miss things that are unique to Abby. I feel a need to capture as much as I can, before the memories fade away or they get blurred with other ones. A few highlights:

• The way she would give my husband’s feet a thorough tongue bath every night.

• The way she would peek around the corner of the kitchen at the treat counter, even if we were making toast. We were within five feet of tasty morsels that might make their way into her mouth. (This probably isn’t unique to Abby, but the position in our house is.)

• The way she would drop her red saucer on the floor and look up at us, asking us to remove the chicken treats inside.

• The way her tail would wag when we walked in the door, even if we were just coming in from the garage. Or the way she would sit in the living room window, poking her head through the gap in the curtains. When we pulled into the driveway, she would stand up, her tail would thump against the curtains and the couch, and her entire rear end would shake. She would toss her head and disappear into the living room to greet us.

• The way she would run to the living room window when we said certain words (“Puppies,” “The Boy’s home,” “The Girl’s home,” or my favorite, “Where’s Schmoopie?”). Like several million other couples in the late ’90s, we adopted “schmoopie” as a term of endearment from the Seinfeld episode. Somehow “Where’s Schmoopie” became a cue for Abby to dash to the window to see if one of her people was arriving home.

• The way she would tilt her head whenever one of us would say “chalupa” or “Taco Bell,” even when we went on diets and didn’t visit the establishment for months. “Chalupa” meant “car ride” in dog language.

Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love?

We’ve submitted applications to a couple different rescue societies. I’ve been in frequent e-mail contact with Minnesota Boxer Rescue, and we have a home visit scheduled with South Dakota Boxer Rescue in a few weeks.

I’m not sure how things work when you’ve submitted applications to multiple rescues. We wanted to increase our chances of getting the dog we want, and we’re interested in having two dogs in our home in the future, so I’m hoping we’ll be able to help them both (and vice versa).

I keep visiting the sites, wondering if our dog is out there yet. I know it’s silly to do so at this point, because we won’t be able to adopt until we return from vacation. The encouraging part is that I’ve seen several potential candidates, and I hope that one will be available when we are.

Reading the profiles only tells me so much, though. We’ll need to meet the dog.

We’re looking for a dog that’s between one and three years old. I’d love to consider a senior dog, but I can’t handle getting attached and going through this trauma again in just a few years. By adopting a younger dog (and there’s no guarantee they’re going to live ten years, but their odds are better), we’re hoping to increase the time between painful incidents. Plus, older dogs will most likely have more medical issues and expenses, and we’re still recovering from the chemo bills. Senior dogs are wonderful– they’re usually mellow and need less training, but they’re not right for us at this time. Same with a special needs dog– we’d love to be able to help, but emotionally and financially I don’t think I can do it. We can afford a new dog, but we want to be able to afford two eventually.

We’d prefer a female, but if the right male dog came along, I could be persuaded. Natural, uncropped ears are a must, although the tail can be natural or docked. Most have docked tails because it’s done within days of their birth.

I find myself gravitating toward fawn dogs instead of brindles. I don’t want to confuse the dog with Abby. It’s going to be enough of an adjustment without giving the poor dog an identity crisis.

Sometimes I worry about knowing if it’s the right dog or not. My experience with Layla tells me that I’ll know if I’m ready to bring a dog home or not. I also worry about rejecting a dog, or a dog rejecting us. The advantage of going through rescue is that the foster family can tell you a lot about a dog– how it responds to training, if it’s comfortable in a crate, if it needs additional training, if it’s housebroken. I know that our dog will need to be comfortable being alone for several hours during the day, even though that won’t always be the case. Our first dog will need to be okay with being a solo dog for a while, but open to the possibility of another dog entering the pack later.

Also, I would prefer that the new dog not eat its own poop.