Once Around the Weekend

Warning: Neuroses ahead. Proceed with caution.

A friend of ours came to visit last weekend, which we dubbed The Weekend of Dave. He flew in from D.C. and we showed him around the Twin Cities. It was a great experience to see our town from a tourist’s perspective. And it was really nice to have a break from thinking about the dog situation, because I’ve been putting so much time and energy into it. That’s partially why I haven’t been blogging much lately. I’ve been an anxious ball of nerves, and I’ve been trying not to think about it, yet it’s never far from my mind. It’s been overwhelming, and I find it hard to discuss it coherently.

It’s been hitting us hardest when we’re tired. We had a fun but exhausting weekend, and when I got an e-mail Monday night that another family was interested in the dogs that we’re looking at, I lost it.

And I feel guilty, because those people are in the same situation we are—they lost their longtime companion and are trying to fill that void in their home, and they’ve been dealing with it for longer than we have. My god, I can’t imagine being dogless for five months, even though it already seems like years.

I am not a patient person, and that has become extremely obvious lately. We’ve only been seriously looking for four weeks, but it feels like forever. What if we spend several weeks pursuing a dog, only to be told that another family is a better fit? What if other suitable dogs slip away during the time we were focusing on other dogs? What if we keep meeting dogs that are almost right, but there’s one nagging factor that makes us uncomfortable?

Welcome to the inside of my brain!  

I’m afraid of getting an older dog because we might have to go through the whole grieving process again in five years, and that’s too soon. I’m also afraid of getting a dog with a medical condition that’s either expensive or untreatable, because we just went through that too. If we were to get an active or neurotic dog, I worry that I’d have to entertain the dog every waking moment, which is a lot of pressure. I think I’m putting this pressure on myself unnecessarily, and the dog will settle into our routines and just want to be around us. And I don’t want to sound like we never want to interact with the dog, because we want to take it for long walks and play frisbee and play fetch, activities we haven’t been able to do for a long time. I’m really looking forward to that.

See what I mean about the neuroses? And there’s more!

Do I need to start looking at other organizations, even though I really want to support a particular one, because they’ve been so helpful and kind? There are dogs available through other places, but I feel somewhat guilty contacting them, especially when I’ve expressed interest in six different dogs through one group already.

I should have given up guilt for Lent. Also, anxiety.

Okay, deep breath. I’m going to remember that moment in Rossi’s where I told myself everything was going to be all right, and I believed it.