Things Can Only Get Better

Good news– Abby went all night without going outside despite pooping like a goose yesterday. Maybe she got everything out of her system by 7 p.m. She whimpered a little, but otherwise all of us slept pretty soundly.Tim also discovered that she’s whimpering because she’s hungry, not because her butt is bothering her or because she’s in any other sort of pain. When she would moan, Tim offered her a little food and she scarfed it down. So she’s probably trying to make up for the fact that she hasn’t eaten a lot for a week, and her stomach is empty.

We dropped her off at the vet this morning, and she’s been pretty alert all day with a waggy tail.

So that’s a relief to know she’s feeling better, and now we can focus on having a good time in Vegas. Or at least we can try.

All That You Can’t Leave Behind

I was packed at 9:45. Our flight is sometime around 3 tomorrow (I should really know the exact time). We’re going to drop Abby off at the vet in the morning, then try to check in early to increase our chances of a first class upgrade.Today felt like a week. Abby got us up every 2 hours to go outside last night. Knowing that was her schedule, there was no way she was going to make it from the time I left for work to the time I got home for lunch (about 4 hours). So I went into work, stayed for about 45 minutes until traffic into St. Paul eased up, brought the laptop home, and let the dog out just in time to meet her 2-hour schedule.

I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining. It’s just been exhausting physically and emotionally.

She went out a lot today. I’m not sure if it was because she had the luxury of me being home, or if she had to go more often. She hasn’t been going out too much this evening, so I’m hoping her system has settled a bit.

It’s pretty gross when she is outside– they don’t call it explosive diarrhea for nothing. A lot of the time she’s just straining, though. I worry about her back legs, especially considering that she’s not on Rimadyl due to the possibility of ulcers.

Then again, I worry about a lot of things. Abby’s been making these weird noises in her sleep, a cross between a howl and a long whimper. Although I’m not sure if she realizes she’s doing it– Tim said she woke herself up in the basement earlier. It sounds pitiful and sad, and I wonder how much pain she’s in. She’s been pretty comfortable sleeping, though– she sticks to one spot instead of moving around.

She didn’t want to eat much today. She perks up when we offer her lunch meat, so we’ve been hiding some of her pills in it. After she finally had dinner, she seems to be more of her usual self. She came in to inspect my suitcase and sniff the new lip gloss I had on. She was actively seeking attention. Now she’s sitting on the couch on the porch, looking around and smacking. I just want my dog back. The past week has been rough on all of us.

I haven’t been focusing on Vegas at all because of the drama. In a way, it was nice to have a somewhat busy day at work to take my mind off things. I still feel like I’m working. I’m on typing autopilot right now– getting as much information out as possible.

Time to stop multitasking and focus on getting a decent night’s sleep.

I still feel guilty for going on vacation, but she’ll be in the best possible place while we’re gone. I keep rationalizing that it might even be better for her to be at the vet’s all day in case they spot anything unusual. I’m going to try to focus on having a good time and relaxing. It will help once we’re on the plane, having adult beverages. It will help even more when we’ve landed, checked in, and begun our carousing for the evening.

I’m strongly considering a massage. It’s expensive, but my shoulders have been around my ears for the last several days. We shall see.

It Only Hurts When I Breathe

The dog is doing OK. Me? Not so much.I’m not a good pre-trip planner. Even though I’ve had a packing list made for about a month, I’m still not packed. I always save it for the night before anyway, because I don’t want my clothes to be completely wrinkled, and there’s some stuff I need to use the night before (toothbrush, eye makeup remover, etc.). I know, these are only excuses.

Abby’s home from the vet. We picked her up after work today. She’s been sleeping most of the time, and she hasn’t been moving around in her sleep trying to get comfortable, which is good. At the vet, she was eating about 1/4 cup of wet food (canned ID) every hour, so we gave her a little bit when we got home. Ever the rebel, she wasn’t interested. We coaxed her with some lunch meat, which is also how I got her to take her Pepcid an hour after she ate. I found the half-digested square tablet in her water bowl a few minutes later, but I bribed her again. We’ve only given her small pieces of turkey; we don’t want to overload her system. She’s gone outside a couple times.

She’s skipping chemo this week (the vincristine IV part). They want to wait until her strength is back. She still has some diarrhea, but at least she’s keeping food down.

I made the mistake of trying to clean up the yard a little bit. Because it’s been rainy for the last five days, most of the poop (that hadn’t been liquid to begin with) was the consistency of peanut butter, which isn’t surprising considering how much of that she’s eaten over the last two weeks. I usually like to wait until the sun has had a chance to dry things up and make my job easier, but with garbage coming tomorrow and us leaving on vacation in a couple days, I didn’t have that luxury.

I should have just taken the cash I withdrew from the bank and handed it over to the vet. But she’s worth it. However, it sure would be nice if gambling treated us well. I’m not asking for much. Just a couple thousand dollars, really.

Walking Around Like She Owns the Place

We went to see Abby at the vet today, and she’s doing much better. They’re keeping her another night because she’s just started to eat again, but she’s a lot more alert and has more energy.The techs said that they felt bad for her being all cooped up in the kennel, so they brought her out into their workspace so she could be around people. At first, they thought she would just lie down and be mellow, but she kept trying to wander around, so they blocked her in a corner with a stretcher and some drawers. She didn’t mind– she was entertained.

When the vet called this afternoon, he told us to bring some sliced turkey, and some cooked ground turkey mixed with rice. I almost said, “Cook? Do you know what you’re asking here?”

Luckily, Tim handled the food preparation and I handled the grocery shopping. When we arrived at the vet’s office, we found that she had just eaten some canned food (Science Diet ID), but they’re holding on to the turkey and rice mixture. We fed her a couple pieces of turkey, which she was extremely eager to eat. “Finally! All those years of begging and licking the air in the kitchen have paid off!” We joked that it was a ploy on her part to get people food, the same way this whole ordeal is to get her an extra folder at the vet’s office because she heard there was a dog with a larger folder.

When we visited her, she had an IV in her front left leg, which was wrapped in gauze to keep the IV in place. She kept forgetting that she was tethered to the IV pole, so we had to stop her in her tracks a couple times. It was good to see her moving about, though.

I’m hoping she can spend a little time at home before we bring her back on Friday for boarding. But it’s great to see the care the staff handles her with, and the way they give her extra attention. I can’t say enough how grateful I am that she’s in such good hands.

What a Day for a Night

We’ve been through quite a bit over the last 24 hours. Last night, Abby woke us up every 45 minutes to go outside (which was fine, considering the alternative). At first, I was getting impatient with her (especially after she wandered around in the back yard for 5 minutes, and then came inside to throw up). But at least I knew she was throwing up so I could let the vet know, and as far as picking her spots, she was kind enough to miss the blanket and to do it right in front of the night light, preventing me from turning on more lights and waking Tim.

The worst was when she jumped up on the love seat on the porch, tried to get comfortable, and started whimpering. I got up with her and petted her for a while, trying to console her. It’s a horrible feeling when you know your dog is hurting and there’s nothing you can do. I took the first shift, from 11:30 to about 2, then I let Tim take over.

I drove to work, got my laptop, and drove home. I rescheduled all my meetings for the day and called the vet at 8 a.m., and they told me to bring her in, which I was planning for. By the way, the radio commercial you do not want to hear on the way to the vet is Ron Schara advertising pet cremation services.

I managed to keep it together for about 5 minutes before breaking down in front of the vet tech Janet, whom we’ve known for several years. She was taking it pretty hard too. She told me she wasn’t able to administer any of Abby’s chemo because she’s expecting in January. I’m excited for her– she’ll be a great mom.

One of the other vets on staff came in to look at Abby, and surprisingly, she didn’t growl at him like she usually does (he’s taken her temperature one too many times, poor guy). He said he would run some tests and let us know how she was doing, and he mentioned that our regular vet would be in at noon. We found out that she had some elevated liver levels (typical for prednisone patients), but that her lymphocyte and white blood cell counts were OK. They were giving her some fluids, along with some things to coat her stomach.

We went to the vet’s office at 6:30 that evening. Because the chemo has been killing off growing cells, it targets things like hair, bone marrow, and the lining of her intestine. She had been having bloody explosive diarrhea all day because she was shedding the lining of her intestine. The vet tech said it sounded much worse than it was (besides the fact that it was gross and messy and smelly), and that she was feeling more shame than pain. They suggested that we keep her there for the night, being as they have industrial washers and lots of interchangeable bedding.

We went back to see her, and she was really groggy. She woke up a little more and took an interest in the golden retriever who was also in the area, so it was good to see her perk up. She’s pretty comfortable in the vet’s office, which helps a lot.

We asked the vet and the tech about our vacation, and they both encouraged us to still go. To be honest, with this latest setback, we were thinking about postponing our trip. Four days out, we’re normally all Vegas all the time, but we have a different perspective this time. And it’s hard to get excited when you don’t know if you’re going to go.

We know that’s Abby is comfortable when boarding, and we know she’s in good hands there. The vet and the tech both said that she wasn’t in a danger zone where she was close to fading away anytime during the next week, which was simultaneously frightening and relieving (frightening because it could happen sometime, but a relief because we’re not at that point). But she’s in better hands there than if we were staying home with her. They can monitor her all the time. I feel somewhat guilty for not realizing that she had diarrhea instead of constipation, because she was going outside in the dark and she left her deposits in the far corners of the yard. But I try to tell myself we did the right thing by taking her in, and even if we’d discovered it yesterday, it was better to wait and take her to the vet (where they knew her history and exactly what was going on) than to the emergency clinic, which completely stresses her out.

So on the way home, because we have a twisted sense of humor, we made up new lyrics to “Chocolate Rain.” A sample:

Chocolate rain
Explosive diarrhea leaves a stain
Chocolate rain
Walk around then it’s time to squat again

Hey, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry, and I’ve done plenty of crying today.

Ever the comedian, our dog left a giant slime spot on Tim’s black t-shirt. He discovered it a couple hours after we left. That’s our dog.

A Mixed Bag

Abby’s white blood cells were at 112,000 on 8/8. They were at 24,021 on 8/15. 16,900 is a normal count, so that’s a pretty dramatic improvement for one week.Abby’s lymphocytes were at 93,210 on 8/8. They were at 12,000 on 8/15. 4,900 is normal, so another significant improvement.

She threw up for the first time during her treatment today. Unfortunately, it was right after she took her prednisone and her sucrulfate. We didn’t give her additional doses, but I gave her Pepcid to calm her stomach.

She’s been uncomfortable for the last few days. Something isn’t moving through her system as well as it should. When she lies down, she shifts around a lot. She’s also been more lethargic than usual, and she’s been panting quite a bit. The weather has cooled off, so it’s not the temperature.

Tim said that she whimpered when she got on the couch in the basement earlier. I’ll call the vet first thing tomorrow morning to see if he has any recommendations.I would feel really bad if she wasn’t feeling well before we left on Friday.

I’m anxious anyway– I feel like I should be enjoying the last few days before the trip and wrapping myself up in preparations, like the last-minute dash to Target to get supplies, or getting that sassy top to round out my wardrobe. It’s been hard to relax.

On the way to downtown Minneapolis, I took the exit to 4th street and crossed the 3rd street bridge. Traffic was moving fairly well, considering the number of people on the road. They had people directing traffic at some intersections, which helped. As I crossed the bridge, I couldn’t help rubbernecking to the left towards 35W when I was stopped. Because my car is fairly small, I couldn’t see over the guardrail. I could see the 10th street bridge, which is what the rescue workers are using as a base, and I knew that there should have been a bridge next to it, but I didn’t see anything.

On the way back, it was a different story. I took the 3rd street bridge north, and turned on University Avenue. As I crossed over 35W on University, I looked to the right. I didn’t see everything, but I saw enough. The road twisted in a way that no road should, and then there was nothing beyond the jagged edge that rose up. The horror of what happened to the bridge hit me, and I drove home shaken. I probably shouldn’t be writing about this so close to bedtime because I’ve been having weird dreams about it– not that I’m falling into it, but that there’s this giant scary abyss that I have to navigate around to get home, and it gives me an uneasy, dangerous feeling.

Okay, breathe in Jesus, breathe out stress….

You Never Know What You’ll Catch

Our company has a dog on the grounds to chase geese away. Brooke is a Border Collie, and she’s somewhat aloof, but she’ll be your friend if you play fetch with her.Today we ate lunch outside at one of the picnic tables by the pond, and Brooke came over to ask us to play fetch. A couple of my coworkers played with her for a while, and then she dropped a stick at my feet, looking up at me, begging. The stick was covered with dog saliva, and even though I’m sure Brooke is vaccinated and mostly disease-free, and even though I could have doused my hands in hand sanitizer before coming home, I still couldn’t do it. It was killing me to sit there and not play fetch, but today is also probably Abby’s most vulnerable day this week (she gets her IV from the vet), so I didn’t want to take any chances. I felt bad for Brooke– I’m hoping she found someone else to play with her after we left.

Good Things

The other morning, Abby was in the yard and she was sniffing the ground. She raised her head up, and there was a huge dragonfly stuck to her nose. She looked over at Tim as if to say, “what the hell am I supposed to do with this?”She’s still been peeing a lot in the house, so we’ve been trying to encourage her to stay in the basement, but not on the couch. We placed a barricade of pillows and blankets on the edge of the couch to prevent her from jumping up there. So when I came home today, I went downstairs and immediately saw Abby on the couch, tail wagging happily, practically declaring “I am the queen of the couch pillows.” She’s a funny dog, that one.

We’re extremely thrilled with the chemo results so far. She goes in tomorrow to get her vincristine from the vet. Her lymph nodes have gone down drastically. I’m interested to see what her white cell count is. She still hasn’t vomited, and she has a healthy appetite. By that I mean she’s been eating all her meals, along with her pills disguised in peanut butter, and she’s stopping to look up at the treat counter every time we’re in the kitchen.

So Far, So Pleased

Abby has a lot more energy today. We’re thrilled that she hasn’t thrown up yet. We know it’s bound to happen at some point, but I’m hoping the sucrulfate and Pepcid are keeping things at bay. I’m proud of her for eating the pills we hide in her food, so we haven’t had to do too much coaxing. I think she’s going to expect treats every couple hours, though.It’s in the 90s here and humid, so she hasn’t been spending much time outside. Often, we’ll let her out and she’ll turn around and stand at the door, asking to come inside again.

She’s been belching and farting up a storm today. She still knows how to clear a room!

And It Was All Yellow

Abby woke us up at about 3:15 this morning so we could let her outside. Looks like the prednisone is kicking in. I had a hard time getting back to sleep, and Tim didn’t sleep at all after that point.She was exhausted this morning. She barely raised her head to take the pills disguised in peanut butter. However, she perked up when she heard a bag of treats being opened.

One of her blankets downstairs had a wet spot, so even though we let her out during the night she still had a leaky bladder.

I came home at 11 to let her out, but there was a huge wet spot on the living room carpet. I’ll be running to the store to stock up on paper towels and a giant bottle of Nature’s Miracle. Our carpet is over 10 years old, so we’re not too concerned, but we don’t want the house to smell, and we don’t want the boards underneath to be damaged.

Even though we called to cancel our lawn treatments, Tru Green Chemlawn showed up anyway. I started cursing as soon as I saw the sign in our yard. It’s supposedly not harmful to pets after it dries, but we didn’t want to take any chances. This is the third time this year they’ve messed up (number 1 was leaving the back gate open, and number 2 was treating the neighbors’ house by mistake), and we’ve had it. It makes sense to cancel anyway, because our lawn is toast, but we won’t be using them again.

It’s good to get our routine started and to know what the drug effects are like, but my stomach is still in knots. Thankfully, she’s been eating all her meals and pills, and she hasn’t vomited. I’m hoping I didn’t jinx anything by writing that.